I think I have an eating disorder. Now please don’t send me emails about how insensitive I?m being and how I?m making fun of a serious issue, I really mean it. And since I don’t rely on doctors to make informed decisions about things that are wrong, or right, with me (I’d much rather self diagnose and self medicate) I’m wondering how it is I go about diagnosing an eating disorder and then what do I do to get rid of it?

Is it “disorderly” to eat when you feel pain? How about when someone hurts you so bad that you have stomach pains and nausea at the same time, you react by scoffing down a cold McDonald’s cheeseburger and four Reese’s peanut butter eggs at 2:30 in the morning? Does everyone do this?

I’m fully aware that I have an obsessive compulsive personality, my most recent ex-therapist talked about it all the time. Ok, not all the time, in fact she talked about her childhood way more than anything that was wrong with me. Finally, after an hour and half rant about one of my forty-five minute sessions, my husband asked me, “Could you find a less expensive friend?” Ok Christine, not the best fit in a therapist, eh? But could I say to her, “Excuse me, could we talk about me for a bit?” No. I could not. Instead I came home and had a big bowl of steaming pasta with grilled chicken, spinach and sun dried tomato in a garlic cream sauce. See, there’s another problem as well. I can cook. Not just “throw something together and slap it on the table so the family doesn’t go hungry” cook, I mean I understand the alchemy of cooking, dishes so good that people request something I made for them, years later and I don’t even remember what it was I served them because most of the time I cook not from a recipe but from what feels right using ingredients I happen to have. So, it’s not like I have to rely on fast food for compassion, oh no, I can create culinary affection, hugs from pasta, kisses from roasts, safety from, well, more pasta.

Seemingly, this would be perfect. Who doesn’t love comfort food? But I don’t enjoy eating it. As a matter of fact, every bite brings not comfort but guilt and shame. So why is it that I keep this cycle going? Why do I not find some other way to comfort myself?
The truth is, I don’t know.

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Well, I did it. I ordered my new laptop.
And, yes I ordered the Dell.

I know, lots of people have had problems with them, but they really were the only ones who offered the configuration I wanted. So there it is. I ordered it an hour ago, what’s taking them so long???

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My cousin sent me this. Thanks Suzanne *gasp* (she doesn’t have a website!)

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The Friday Five
1. If you could eat dinner with and “get to know” one famous person (living or dead), who would you choose? Anne Rice or maybe Nora Ephron.

2. Has the death of a famous person ever had an effect on you? Who was it and how did you feel? Yes, but not in the way you might think. My mother’s cousin was the drummer for Steely Dan in the early days (Jimmy Hodder for any Dan fans that might be reading) his death of course was devastating. Also Glenn Hughes (the motorcycle man from the village people was a very good friend of the family’s, his was terribly sad as well.
In a more star struck way, Lawrence Olivier broke my heart.

3. If you could BE a famous person for 24 hours, who would you choose? Madonna, I’d like to know what it’s like to be that rich and powerful in the entertainment industry.

4. Do people ever tell you that you look like someone famous? Who? Sally Field when I was younger.

5. Have you ever met anyone famous? (See above: Jimmy Hodder and Glenn Hughes)
Joan Jett, (Stray Cat) Brian Setzer, Danny Bonaduce, All of the group Wang Chung, Michael Anthony (from Van Halen), Timothy Hutton, Debbie Gibson, Ed Koch, but my very favorite “brush with fame”, was when Miss Saigon was in previews on Broadway, my father got tickets to the show on the night they were doing an aids benefit. At intermission, I went to the Ladies room and as I was standing on line, a very deep voice said from behind me, “How are you enjoying the show?”, I turned around and it was Lauren Bacall!! We spoke for a minute or two and she was so lovely and so gracious, and although I tried very hard not to show it, I was starstruck!

This was fun, I feel like such a schmoozer! =P

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Is it just mine, or does anyone else’s family seem to lose there mind at Easter? Not a fun losing of the mind either, but a fighting, nasty, no hold barred mean type of losing the mind….
No wonder I live 1500 miles away.
sheesh.

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