I’ve Got the Sun in the Morning

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Every so often I like to take stock.  I take a good, hard look at how far I’ve come (unbelievably far), where I’m going  and what I’m not doing so well. Today seems like the perfect time to do that as it’s my 45th birthday.

Wow.

Let me let that sink in a little… How could I possibly be 45?  Where has all that time gone? Have I spent it well? Hmm.  Well, I’m of the school that everything I’ve done, good or bad and everything I’ve gone through, good or bad, has brought me right here.  That if I were to change too much of it, I wouldn’t have arrived at this spot.  And while this spot certainly isn’t perfect, it’s pretty damn nice.

I have a husband who is willing to move himself across the country in order to make sure his family is provided for and who loves me and our children.  He drives me up a freaking wall most days, but 17 and a half years later, he’s still my first phone call whenever something good (or bad) happens.

I have two children who are bright and beautiful and infuriating and sarcastic, quick witted, talented, creative and they are my life even when they’re getting on my last nerve and pushing me justalittle too far – I know they’re just doing what growing people are predisposed to do; testing the boundaries of their universe as they figure out how to step out into this great big world.

I have a well earned (on both sides), great relationship with my father.  We talk and laugh and compare recipes and wine – we play music together and learn things and I am truly grateful that we’ve come out on this side – it was a struggle, but worth it.

I have friends.  Oh, do I have friends.  Friends I made in elementary school that I’ve never lost touch with, that are godparents to my children, who I speak to very often even though we live so far away from each other.  Friends that I just met last year that I talk to and see constantly, who have been my touchstones in these uncertain times.  Smart, beautiful women who keep me grounded as well as help me soar. And then there’s all the people that I’ve recently reconnected with through all these new channels and fabulous technologies, people I haven’t seen in decades and people I’ve never even met who are a daily part of my life.

I have creative outlets.  I seem to have a new idea every other minute and while they’re not all great ideas, I love to explore where they’ll take me.  I’ve recently stopped doing so much with jewelry design and redirected my energies back to helping people get the most out of the web, offering web design, graphic design and web hosting which I started in 1998, but took a break from for a couple of years.  Pay a visit to ChristineLeiser.com, if you’re interested and let’s see if there’s something I can help you with!

I have “rediscovered” performing and while I never “got away” from music, I really stopped any sort of performance.  Working with my daughter to help he realize her goals, I realized that while I don’t think I’ll be auditioning for American Idol (we’ll leave that to Haley), I still might like to perform now and then.

I do have some regrets, some pain that I have caused, some things I wish I could undo, but I can’t.  I’ve loved and I’ve lost, but I’ve never done things half-way, I’m either all in or all out and sometimes that gets me in a bit of trouble, but I can’t change it and I don’t want to…  And I can’t forever mourn something, especially things that never existed to begin with.  So I’m ok right where I am and while there’s certainly always room for improvement… right here, right now, I’m ok with where I am.

Happy Birthday to me.

:wine:

If you’re still reading, thanks for indulging me

45?  Really?  Maybe we need to recount.

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